I've been chubby my whole life. My mom said when I was a baby I was shaped like a lime. By age 4, I was too heavy for her to carry me despite my many adorable pleas to be picked up. I can remember from a young age trying to exercise to lose weight. As I grew older I ran the gamut in diets trying to lose this gut o' mine: starvation, low calorie, no carb, fruit only, master cleanse (I only lasted 3 days); if it looked like it worked, I was trying it.
As I've gotten older I've come to realize that the healthiest way to lose weight is proper nutrition and regular exercise and the last couple of years I've been pretty good about keeping it up. But this belly is stubborn! It's something that I know is going to take time to overcome and I'm taking it day by day but everybody has bad days. Today is one of mine.
Some days I look in the mirror and I see how far I've come and I feel like the finest thing on this earth. Step aside Naomi! On days like today...I look at where I want to be and my lack of satisfaction with my physique has me researching weight loss surgeons in my area and feeling guilty about eating ANYTHING.
So what do I do in those moments? I used to run to my nearest fast food place and seek momentary delicious solace which would lead to a binge that could run from days to weeks. These days I do my best to acknowledge what I'm feeling, cry if I need to, and use it as motivation to stay on my journey. No sense in sabotaging the work I've already done. It's like starting to build a skyscraper, wanting it to be finished and then knocking it all down in frustration. Madness. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. The point is that I'm trying and doing my best to stay on course. And that's all I can ask of myself. Maybe this will help someone who feels the same way. This is more a letter to myself than anyone else but if it applies to you, be encouraged. It's a long road to where I want to be but one I will gladly travel.
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