Extended sugar detox Week 4 (with pictures!)

   Last week was pretty good in terms of will power. I wasn't perfect but I wasn't terrible. I had a few big meals. My biggest transgression was a late night slice of pizza when I went to the art festival but there was a lot of walking done that night. And the results prove it. I start this week off at 191.6 lbs.

   I decided to just put the most recent picture with the oldest one to because it was taking up too much room to put all of the pictures up. And look at that; I stepped my editing game up y'all! To be honest, I'm even surprised at the difference from Week 1 to now. Yay me!

 

 I had a busy weekend and didn't have a chance to cook the way I wanted to so we're back to rotisserie chicken and vegetables with omelette muffins for snacks. I'm still keeping my broccoli and cauliflower but I switched out roasted brussel sprouts for sauteed cabbage. I'm also taking the skin off of the chicken.


Week 4 observations
1) Apparently I burn more calories at a brisk walk than on my bike. I went to work on foot this morning and burned twice as many calories than when I bike. It only added an extra 15 minutes to my commute time.
2) My desire to workout is really waning. The bulk of my exercise is coming from my commute (biking). I need to find a way to motivate myself.
3) I tried on my Halloween costume and I look pretty good in it but I could still look better. This calls for more strength workouts.
4) I'm losing weight in my boobs. I bought a bikini top in my usual size 12 and I look like I'm wearing my nana's bra.
5) I had a beef patty with coco bread on Tuesday for dinner. I regret nothing.
6) Free food is my weakness :-(
7) I traveled a total of 8.6 miles on Wednesday. Walked to work in the AM and ran with the group that evening. Thursday morning I was crawling out of bed. Woke up this morning at 190.6. I'm thinking of taking Friday off because mama is TIRED.
8) This weekend I made pancake batter cupcakes with maple frosting topped with candied bacon. Why? I saw it on Instagram and wanted to be fancy. The plan was to eat one and give the rest away...didn't pan out that way. I texted and informed people about said cupcakes, I tried! lol I ended up eating 5 of them between Saturday and Sunday.
9) I got a 2 mile run in on Saturday morning thanks to some local errands I had to run.
10) Aside from the cupcakes the bulk of my eating wasn't bad for the weekend. I had food left over from the week and I also made sweet potato sliders.
11) I was going out this weekend and I tried on a blazer and a corset that are usually snug. The blazer is baggy now. Yay me! Down side is the boob part of the corset is going to need some...padding.

Week 4 results
12) Finishing this week off at 191.4. Not a dramatic loss but a loss nonetheless. See ya next week!

We all need help and it's out there

   Many people, particularly in communities of color, are reluctant to seek out mental health services because of stigma. It's getting better but it is still an issue. We don't want to be labeled as "crazy" or seen as weak. I grew up in the church and was always taught to "give all my problems to Jesus" and for many years I struggled with depression without diagnosis. I tried to power through my depression and for my troubles I suffered from thoughts of suicide, days of uncontrollable crying, and not eating for months at a time. No one noticed because I was still being a productive member of society. I was still doing well in school (during high school and college), going to the gym, holding down a job and paying my bills. A lot of times we have a pre-conceived notion of a depressed person being someone balled up on the couch under a blanket and not leaving the house. Depression takes many forms and while it can express itself that way, there is also functioning depression.
   After having multiple emotional blows happen to me within less than a year (one of my best friends died of cancer, the best relationship I had ever been in ended abruptly, I was having trouble finding steady work, and my car engine blew up and I had to buy a new one when I was going through financial difficulties), I had reached my breaking point. I would go to work and spent half the day in the bathroom trying to stop crying. I didn't enjoy doing anything fun. I stopped talking to my friends because I didn't want to have to pretend to be happy. The trigger that made me seek out professinal help was my uncontrollable crying at work. Maybe it's petty, but my problems were messing with my professionalism and that was something that I was not going to allow to continue.
   At this time I had no insurance and was not working steadily so paying for mental health services was a big road block but I knew I needed to do it. I researched low cost mental health services in my area and found a program that catered to people in my financial situation. They put me in contact with a program run by a local university and I saw a therapist for a few months.
   Let me be clear: I was not "cured" of my depression. I honestly don't think there is a cure. What did happen was that I was given coping mechanisms to get through my rough times. I had a place where I could unburden myself, cry as much as I needed to, and give voice to the feelings that I felt I couldn't admit to anyone. I learned to deal with and feel my emotions rather than push them aside and attempt to put on a brave face. I learned to express myself effectively to someone when they hurt me which was something I did not know how to do. It was a judgment free zone that helped me put some spackle on the cracks in the wall of my psyche. The wall isn't perfect, but when the cracks appear I know how to patch them up.
   I still struggle with being open about seeking professional help. While I have been able to tell some of my friends about it, I have never told anyone in my family. I'm not afraid of them thinking less of me, I just don't want to answer the questions that are sure to follow. But I am grateful for what I learned in my sessions. They saved my quality of life. I feel like I am living and not just existing. I'm able to try new things and meet new people.
   If any of what I have said resonates with you, please please please seek out help. It's there and it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. If you are in the Maryland area and are looking for low cost resources, please click here. Outside of Maryland, get some tips on where to find help here.  It's all confidential. If you know someone who this may help please pass it along. Cheers to your mental health.

A moment of publicized insecurity...

   I've been chubby my whole life. My mom said when I was a baby I was shaped like a lime. By age 4, I was too heavy for her to carry me despite my many adorable pleas to be picked up. I can remember from a young age trying to exercise to lose weight. As I grew older I ran the gamut in diets trying to lose this gut o' mine: starvation, low calorie, no carb, fruit only, master cleanse (I only lasted 3 days); if it looked like it worked, I was trying it.
   As I've gotten older I've come to realize that the healthiest way to lose weight is proper nutrition and regular exercise and the last couple of years I've been pretty good about keeping it up. But this belly is stubborn! It's something that I know is going to take time to overcome and I'm taking it day by day but everybody has bad days. Today is one of mine.
   Some days I look in the mirror and I see how far I've come and I feel like the finest thing on this earth. Step aside Naomi! On days like today...I look at where I want to be and my lack of satisfaction with my physique has me researching weight loss surgeons in my area and feeling guilty about eating ANYTHING.
   So what do I do in those moments? I used to run to my nearest fast food place and seek momentary delicious solace which would lead to a binge that could run from days to weeks. These days I do my best to acknowledge what I'm feeling, cry if I need to, and use it as motivation to stay on my journey. No sense in sabotaging the work I've already done. It's like starting to build a skyscraper, wanting it to be finished and then knocking it all down in frustration. Madness. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. The point is that I'm trying and doing my best to stay on course. And that's all I can ask of myself. Maybe this will help someone who feels the same way. This is more a letter to myself than anyone else but if it applies to you, be encouraged. It's a long road to where I want to be but one I will gladly travel.